Groucho Marx once said, "I’d never join a club that would have someone like me as a member." That’s how I used to feel about being part of the transgender community. Thankfully, I’m over that now.

The transgender community is actually larger and more diverse than most people can imagine – which is actually one of the reasons it’s so hard to define. Strictly speaking, the word transgender refers to anyone who behaves or expresses themselves in ways contrary to cultural gender norms. That could include people who would surgically alter their bodies to bring their physical self more in line with their internal sense of their gender. It could include people who find some sort of short-term satisfaction in expressing cross-gendered behavior. It could include masculine acting women or feminine acting men – people who are just acting ways that seem natural and normal to them. And, it could include people who refuse to accept the gender binary and who choose to be whatever flavor of queer they feel like.

Regardless of the flavor, the key concept at the heart of the sex/gender dilemma is identity. It has to do with how a person perceives themselves in relation to culturally defined gender roles and expectations. It does NOT have to do with sexuality. Gender identity is about a person’s sense of who they are, not who they want to be with. There’s a difference in source, in goal, in motivation, in "destination". That’s key.

I am a transsexual. I’m one of those people who feels mis-cast in life, forced into a gender-defined world that just doesn’t fit our own mental image of ourselves. I struggled for my entire life to have to acknowledge that to anyone – including myself. But the reality of the situation is that whether or not I accept it or fight it doesn’t change the fact that it is what it is.

Does the fact that I’m transsexual tell you anything else about me? Does it give any indication as to my sexuality? Does it mean that I enjoyed playing with dolls when I was growing up, or that I was otherwise effeminate? Does it say anything about my character, or my courage? Is there any one thing that I "attracts" me to being feminine? Clothes? Sex? The answer to all these questions is an unqualified "no", and the same can be said for many like me. As I say, we’re a very diverse (not to mention misunderstood) community.

My father used to explain that our lives are 10% of what actually happens to us, and 90% of how we deal with it. To me, that’s the heart of so many things in life – including being transgender. Some explain that being transsexual is about becoming a man or a woman. For me, it was just about becoming myself.

Donna Rose is an accomplished author, speaker, and writer on transsexual and transgender issues. Visit her website for more information

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